meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
