We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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