ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
