Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
