Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
