Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
