dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was confusing and full of hummus
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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