Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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