The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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