He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
