God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
