girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
