I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
