When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
