Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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