Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
