everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
