Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
