I just pynch a tree in the face
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I deserve this hangover.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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