Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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