Who wears a wallet chain?!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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