Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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