he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
