I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
