return my video game
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
