I bet he comes in French.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
