if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
