what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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