we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
