$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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