I love black thongs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
