I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
