Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
