Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
