I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
