I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
