i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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