in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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