i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
