well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
