Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
