hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The feeling are messing with the penis
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
