Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
