well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
