Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
