I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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