i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
