I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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