I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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