if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
