I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
