Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
