I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
