you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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