I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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