I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
