yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
