Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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